Yearning

Someone once told me that the time you really miss someone is when that person is right there in front of you. I find it to be quite ironic and disturbingly true altogether. Perhaps what they are referring to is a yearning for someone else. A side or a psyche of the person they are with. Or worse, they fear that the effects of being in such close proximity with someone they hold so dear is about to end. And so they anticipate the inevitable aftermath.

I came to realize that when you say I miss you to someone, what you are actually saying is I don’t want you to go. Or I want you to stay. Or I don’t want this to end. Funny isn’t it? How people can’t say directly what is aching in their hearts. I, among many people have the knack of making simple things complicated. I now find myself asking questions. What if, tomorrow becomes next week? And Next week becomes next month? And next month becomes forever? Will I ever find the answers I seek? As always I find the answers emotionally disturbing.

Exactly how long has it been since I was last with her? Twelve days 2 hours 4 seconds and 2 heartbeats have passed. As I am writing this entry, I am comforted that the long wait is finally over. I no longer care about the past. And tomorrow doesn’t seem as important than today. There is only now. And so now I yearn.

Melvin at work 

Silence

If there has been anything new this week, it's that I've been silent in the past few days. I guess I went overboard going senti mode during the last few days. Sometimes, in our attempt to make the people around us feel special we fail to consider what matters most. As said in the "Little Prince", what is essential is invisble to the naked eye. This week I lost track of what was essential. And it has changed my life forever.

I now try to be more sensitive on the little things. For sometimes they are more significant than what we perceive to be of importance. Because of my failure, I seek refuge in the silence of my solitude. Here I lay and reflect on what I have missed, on what I have done. And I am comforted by the peace of silence. Sometimes you need to be alone to realize these things. Because in acknowledging your failures you come about to the conclusion that you are responsible for the things you do. You were a part of the failure. There was something that you could have done. Ergo you are still in control of your life. And you live with the promise that you still have the chance to fix the mistakes you have made.

My friends have been telling me that I am too quiet in my approach in a lot of things. They say that it is not good. I will appear weak and people will try to dominate me. I will be unable to impress people if I sulk in silence. In my defense, why ruin silence? When silence is the language I use to express how I feel. I can get rowdy sometimes. I can be loud if i want to be, specially when I am mad. But it is when I am silent when I savor every moment that passes by. It is in silence where I thank God for the chance and when I pray for the moment never to end.

Enough about the my melodramatic sentimental babbling. I have posted several new mp3's in the yahoo briefcase. This time Maureen is the one who is singing. It's a lot cleaner and smooth. Perfect for this weeks entry. But it also means that the songs are more simple and others may say bland. You may say that it's also no good. But it was hard for me to set it up so backoff.. Hehehehehe. I do appreciate the posts from friends who drop by and make entries in the tag board. For requests, inquiries and complaints just make your mark on the tag board on the right side of this page. I'd like to dedicate the last song i uploaded to 2 people. To Abbie, mau's best friend and to ate shawie who is going to be celebrating her birthday soon. The title of the song is "One of these days" by michelle branch. Cheers!

Milestones

They say that year 25 in a person's life is a huge milestone worth of commemoration. I dont get it. What's the hype about being 25. Do I have a car, no. Do I have live on my own, hell no. Am I in a relationship, dont say bad words. Hehehehehe.

They say that the rest of the populace start stopping counting birthdays at age 25. I can remember the cake prepared by my officemates this morning. They just had 1 candle. They say that after 25, you start using only one candle in your birthday cake. Otherwise the neighbors might think there's fire in your house because of the number of candles in your cake if you have one for each year that has passed.


While the rest of the world is asking themselves about success and career at this point in their life. Im gratefull to have reached this age. I look back and just laugh at all my failures and awkward experiences. I have grown. I think what's more significant was God has given me a chance to grow. 25 years of it. And so I move on. Living life without regrets.

For our webcast fans check our yahoo briefcase account. I have uploaded new mp3's. A cleaner version of my Immortal, Officially Missing you(with the twins haplessly trying to do a duet) and You First Believed. Enjoy.

Trying

Good day friend. As promised I am haplessly trying to keep this weblog as updated as possible. Though there is not much to say about the days that has passed by, there has been a lot of development.
For quite sometime now, I've been seriously contemplating in making crucial decisions in my career. New ventures, possibilities and challenges. Im kinda takin it easy in the last few months.

Specially that I've already started going to graduate school, things are not looking financially stable for me. It's a good thing I have great friends and a loving family who supported me in this endeavor.

I have also been trying to get to know this special someone. And I have no idea where I stand as far chances are concerned. So far the approach has been to be more relaxed, carefree and non idealistic. I have realized that in my past approaches in courting, I have often imprisoned myself in the cages of ideals and fantasies. I guess, I wasnt myself. I dont plan, I improvise. Hehehehe. So far it doesnt look good for me. It seems that Im not the only one who has been wooed by the goddess who has been driving me mad these past few days.

As promised to our webcast acoustic fans I am posting here some URL's for our mp3's. For now , all I have are some jamming sessions. I'll be updating the links later, to have a more decent recording. But for now, I guess this will have to do. A picture of things to come. Go to yahoo briefcase . Login as "next_of_kin2000" with password "fetalvero". Click on My Documents link to download the mp3's available.



As you can see I've been very busy in the past few days. Too many risks, choices, and things to be done. I figured, if I dont start trying I'll never get anywhere. If I dont make decisions, take risks and learn from them, i'll never find out. If I have a future else where, if I can survive graduate school, if me and my sisters can excel as a band and if she's the one. So I guess this week I'll be trying.