Yearning

Someone once told me that the time you really miss someone is when that person is right there in front of you. I find it to be quite ironic and disturbingly true altogether. Perhaps what they are referring to is a yearning for someone else. A side or a psyche of the person they are with. Or worse, they fear that the effects of being in such close proximity with someone they hold so dear is about to end. And so they anticipate the inevitable aftermath.

I came to realize that when you say I miss you to someone, what you are actually saying is I don’t want you to go. Or I want you to stay. Or I don’t want this to end. Funny isn’t it? How people can’t say directly what is aching in their hearts. I, among many people have the knack of making simple things complicated. I now find myself asking questions. What if, tomorrow becomes next week? And Next week becomes next month? And next month becomes forever? Will I ever find the answers I seek? As always I find the answers emotionally disturbing.

Exactly how long has it been since I was last with her? Twelve days 2 hours 4 seconds and 2 heartbeats have passed. As I am writing this entry, I am comforted that the long wait is finally over. I no longer care about the past. And tomorrow doesn’t seem as important than today. There is only now. And so now I yearn.